The Secret You Need To Know About "Boundaries."

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. You’ve probably heard that word on repeat lately. It’s everywhere—on social media, in group chats, maybe even playing on a loop in your own head. Everyone’s talking about setting boundaries and “protecting their energy.” But... what does that even mean?

If you’re anything like me, you probably overthink just about everything you say and do. You don’t want to upset anyone, but you also don’t want to feel like a doormat. And honestly, the whole idea of setting boundaries can feel overwhelming. Where do you start? What does it actually sound like? And how do you say “no” without feeling like the worst person alive?

Let’s clear this up. Here's what boundaries are, what they definitely AREN’T, and how to set boundaries in a way that feels natural, confident, and not even a little bit rude.

🚩 What Boundaries AREN’T

A lot of people toss around the word boundaries when what they’re really doing is trying to control people. But that’s not what healthy boundaries are all about.

For example, saying:🚩 “I don’t allow people to tell me how to live my life.”

Sure, that sounds like you’re setting a boundary. But really? It’s just a fancy way of saying, “I don’t want to hear your opinion.” That’s not a boundary—that’s shutting someone down.

When we use boundaries as a way to guilt-trip, shame, or pressure others into changing their behavior, that’s not setting a boundary. That’s just plain manipulation dressed up as self-care. And honestly? That’s manipulative, no matter how you spin it.

✅ What Healthy Boundaries Actually Are

Here’s the real deal: boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about YOU.

A healthy boundary isn’t telling someone else how they have to behave. It’s being assertive about how you’ll respond if certain things happen.

For example:❌ “You can’t talk to me like that.” (That’s a demand.)✅ “If you keep talking to me like that, I’m going to walk away.” (That’s assertive communication.)

See the difference? One tries to control someone else. The other just makes it clear what you’re going to do. That’s the heart of setting boundaries—you don’t try to change people. You simply decide what you’re okay with and how you’ll handle it if things cross the line.

🤔 How to Know If You Need Boundaries

Wondering if you might need to work on setting boundaries? If any of these sound like you, it’s probably time:

✅ You feel totally drained after hanging out with certain people.

✅ You say “yes” when you really want to say “no.”

✅ You catch yourself feeling resentful when people take advantage of your kindness.

✅ You avoid people or conversations just to keep things from getting awkward.

✅ You feel guilty any time you prioritize yourself.

If you’re nodding your head, welcome to the club. This is your sign to start learning how to set boundaries that work for you.

🎉 Final Thoughts: Boundaries Make Life Better

Here’s the thing: setting boundaries might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. But I promise you—it makes your life so much better.

When you stick to healthy boundaries and use assertive communication, you’ll notice you feel less tired, less annoyed, and way more in control of your own happiness.

So, take a second. Think about the areas of your life where you’re constantly frustrated, worn out, or just stretched way too thin. That’s exactly where a boundary belongs.

It won’t always be easy. But it will definitely be worth it.